It was important to me that this visit be different than my regular visits. Dad now has a roommate, Bruno, who Dad is convinced is Serbian and doesn't really speak English. (I have no idea how he knows this since he and Bruno sit next to each other in their wheelchairs and don't speak. They are an odd couple, but somehow it works.) Nevertheless, our visits are usually Mom sitting in the chair and me sitting on Dad's bed and Dad semi-reclined in bed. With two extra people, and not much privacy, well, I didn't want that to be my kids' last memory of their grandpa.
So I called ahead and requested that Dad be up and in his wheelchair at a designated time. We brought him a cheeseburger and a chocolate shake. He didn't eat much of the burger but did finish the shake. All in all, it was a nice visit - for Dad, who was his typically quiet self and especially for Mom who just brightens up when her grandkids are around.
I realized that I sort of put blinders on when I visit Dad. I try to block out the unpleasant parts of the nursing home - the smells and sometimes the sights. As much as this is Dad's worst nightmare, it's also a little bit of mine. I block it out and focus as much as possible on Dad, who has "softened" considerably in his demeanor. His social needs are few, but I feel compelled and, admittedly, obligated to make sure that I'm there regularly. It's my responsibility.
Today, I noticed that Dad is starting to become more disoriented than before. He asked about his long-deceased older brother and whether he would be visiting. He also confused my daughter and me and spoke to her as if she had never been there. He looked at her and said: "This is our home away from home." Yesterday, I commented on some of the mild chaos around him and he said: "It would be nice if they could move me to another room, down the hall, with your mother." It seems prudent not to set him straight on the fact that that will never happen. I don't relish another conversation that crushes his spirit.
So, somehow, I feel like we did a little good today. The kids saw their grandpa and have logged another experience in the circle of life. I've sheltered them so much prior to this. It's time they understood real life.
