It's OK, I've Got This

Yesterday, I was visiting my parents and Mom was lamenting about the myriad things she's worried about (Dad's gait, the people they sit with at meals, my sister, the world in general...) and I immediately started feeling bad. My first instinct was to want to fix or address every concern that my Mom had.

That's when it hit me.

I'm my Mom's "person."

Thanks to circumstances and geography and a complete overhaul of my parents' life, I have become Mom's "person" - the one she calls when things go wrong. The one she depends on for....Depends! (Sorry, but it's true.) I'm the person upon whom she dumps her many, MANY worries. That used to be Dad, but I'm quite certain that now it's me.

Yesterday, she needed a hug and the reassurance that everything was going to be OK.  She needed me to tell her: "It's OK, I've got this."

Do I really have it? Of course not. Who does? But I instantly knew that that's what she needed to hear at that moment. She needed someone to "hug" a little sense into her.

It's kind of daunting and it's kind of humbling. I've suddenly been entrusted with the care of two more people. Just when I'm at a point of launching my own kids into the big, bad world, God (yep, I'm blaming him) decided  I should take on a couple more.

This is, in no way, an attempt to take any measure of credit. If there is credit, it goes to my hubby - MY person. He has, somehow, navigated the cold, cruel world of elder care and cobbled together a safe and caring life for my parents here in Wisconsin. It's my job to do the small things - the shopping trips, the doctor visits, the holiday arrangements. Some days that seems like a big job, but it's not really.

But just like the day you bring your first child home, the thought that you are in charge of a human...or two, or three...is scary. Knowing that you can barely care for yourself and suddenly you should look out for someone else? Crazy.

And yet, I do sometimes see it as a gift. These past few months have been a little insane, but we've managed. And now, we have stories to tell. FUNNY stories. Sad stories. Interesting stories. Our lives are now enriched because we've gone on an unexpected journey. Isn't that when life really happens?

In these days following the horrific tragedy in Newtown, CT, there has been a lot of talk about the heroism of teachers and keeping children safe. I can't imagine how teachers do what they do - lovingly care for, teach and keep children safe. I couldn't do that and I'm in awe of my sister who does. But I did see a connection to my own responsibility watching over my parents.

Yesterday, my daughter asked why I was going to see my parents. "Do they have a doctor's appointment?" she asked. "No," I responded. "I just try to see them twice a week and I only got there once last week." I wasn't saying it to pat myself on the back. But I did want her to understand that sometimes we do things that put other people first.

Perhaps someday, she'll be visiting me.