I Hate Goodbyes

I hate when things end. I hate goodbyes. 

When my job involved setting up for trade shows, I LOVED the getting ready, the preparation, the loading of product into displays. I LOVED making it “wow-worthy.” But I HATED when it ended – the tear-down, the packing up. It felt so very sad and final.

I love anticipation, but do not love the ending of things – good books, great TV series….great movies. (Except for “Into Great Silence.” That snooze-fest couldn’t end soon enough, in my opinion.) 

I really hate the end of the year. I hate the random listing and ranking of accomplishments and exploits, simply because of a calendar date. I especially hate thinking of those we lost. Nothing could be sadder. 

Goodbyes are hard for me and as we wrap up another annual visit by my kids – an especially good one, in my opinion - this image popped into my head. Having them home is like holding a handful of sand. While they enjoy their time with their friends and us, the sands fall through my fingers. I can’t stop the sand from falling any more than I can stop them from heading back home to Los Angeles. Yes, I said ‘home’ because that IS their home. They will always be from Tosa, but they are fully Californians. 

People often say to me: “Oh, that must be so hard to have your kids far away.” My answer is usually: Yes, it’s hard, but I’m grateful that they’re near each other and they’re happy. That’s all I ever care about – that they’re happy. 

So as we start another year, and our kids’ visit ends tomorrow, I’m feeling a tad reflective and melancholy. Maybe it’s because I’ve reached the age where I’m too aware of the passage of time. Maybe because caring for my Mom makes me realize that time is slipping through my fingers. Maybe it's because parenting adult children is a weird mix of holding on and letting go and leaning in and leaving space and trying not to step on toes. Mostly, it’s because I hate goodbyes. I love my life, but this ending of one thing and the starting of another is a challenge for me. I’m honestly not very good at it.

I share a lot with y’all – no doubt too much. (Sorry.) For some reason, I felt very compelled to share my complicated feelings this morning. While they’re still home for another day, I wanted to say all of this before they’re gone. I think most of you, especially if you’re parents, will understand. 

Thanks for reading. Happy New Year. 🥂🎉❤️