35 Years

Some people long for a life that is simple and planned
Tied with a ribbon
Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land
To follow what's written
But I'd follow you to the great unknown
Off to a world we call our own

- Tightrope from “The Greatest Showman”

35 years. Wow. That’s the age of a full-grown adult. A lot can happen in 35 years. A lot DID happen in 35 years. 

35 years ago, I married my best friend. I know. That’s so cliché. Everybody says that. For us, it’s really true. I recently found a pack of letters from our engagement. I’ll tell you this: If somebody would marry me after receiving one of those letters, it’s a miracle. Boy, was I whiny and dramatic!

Nevertheless, we married. We had a blast at our wedding. I moved to Milwaukee and we started our life. Along the way, a lot happened. 

Here’s a list, in no particular order, of just some of our life events:

Set mousetraps.

Had babies.

Survived cancer.

Survived cancer again.

Had more babies.

Moved my parents in with us.

Sent kids to school.

Bought a house.

Sold a house. 

Bought another house.

Sold another house.

Got a job.

Parented a disabled child.

Traveled…a lot.

Sat in grandstands for sports.

Sat in theaters for concerts.

Got promoted.

Changed jobs.

Held our son’s hand while he passed away.

Held my Dad’s hand while he passed away.

Drove carpool.

Cried through graduations.

Laughed at mishaps.

Argued over small things.

Yelled at the kids.

Yelled at each other.

Waved goodbye as our kids moved across the country.

Filled our basement with crap.

Cleaned the basement.

Gained weight.

Lost weight.

Gained weight again.

Sat through 150 recitals.

Quit jobs.

Lost parents.

Made new friends.

Reconnected with old friends.

If you asked me what the secret to a long marriage is, I guess I’d tell you it’s what’s written inside my original wedding ring – love and respect. Love when someone needs you and you feel helpless. Love when you run out of things to talk about because what haven’t you covered in 35 years of dinner table conversations? Love, when you see their best qualities reflected in your children. 

Respect because you know that this person is willing to do whatever is possible to put your relationship first…forever. Respect because sometimes you can’t muster up the 50/50 effort and you need them to be the 80 or 90%. Respect because even when you disagree, you try really hard to understand each other’s viewpoint just because it matters. 

Life is so much more than a Hallmark movie. It’s boring and glorious and messy and hilarious and tedious and infuriating and terrifying and heartbreaking and puzzling and ugly and so very beautiful. It’s the richer and the poorer. It’s the sickness and the health, but I’ll be honest, the sickness is what throws you for a loop and proves your mettle. But, like actual metal, it strengthens you. And it doesn’t have to be sickness. It can be parenting, financial struggles, job loss, differing opinions, anxiety, stress….it all adds up and challenges every part of you. But if you believe in your relationship and trust it, it’s SO worthwhile.

Look, I’ll be honest – I got lucky. I got VERY lucky. Somehow, this patient, kind, smart, unselfish human chose me. If that ever happens to you, don’t overthink it. Jump in. I mean, definitely talk about all of it – the goals, the expectations, the hopes, the dreams, the fears – but then LEAP.

Happy 35th, Tom. ILY, Forever. XXOO