Independence Day

Oh the irony.

To me, the 4th of July was always just that - the 4th of July. This year, today, it's most definitely Independence Day.

This summer, I really understand that word - independence - so much better. I know that our Founding Fathers had a much different idea of independence. They wanted to be free from tyranny, injustice, religious and political persecution, inequality and so much more.

Here, today, in our house, independence has a softer, more basic meaning - the ability to live on your own.

We talk a lot with my parents about independence. For nearly 60 years, they lived independently. Circumstances crashed into each other and they lost that independence. (If you're new to this blog, click here for the story.) It was taken away, by us, albeit for reasons filled with love and caring. It's a classic elder care story. "I love you. I care about you. This is not what you want, but it's for the best." Tough choices, tough actions.

We're working hard to restore some independence to my parents' lives. We've found a lovely assisted living facility. They've been assessed and have qualified. But it's not that easy. We need a whole bunch of things to fall into place (i.e. $$$) in order for this to work. But the important thing is that we now all have the same goal - to find them a place where they can live "on their own." We want it, but most importantly, they want it.

The easiest way to find out what matters is to have it taken away. My parents valued their independence. They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps time and time again. Finally, we had to reach in and do some bootstrap pulling for them. Sometimes, the hardest thing of all is asking for help. That is exactly how they ended up here, in our house.

Sure, we've lost some independence ourselves. Prior to them living here, our nest was empty and pretty darn cushy. I came and went as I pleased. I cooked hardly at all. The only pills I sorted were my own daily vitamins. The only being who was completely dependent upon me was our Golden Retriever.

My how things have changed.

I have to be honest and say I miss a lot. I miss my friends. I miss my freedom. I miss my quiet house. I miss making plans. I miss my family - I feel like we're relay runners passing the elder care baton between each other. 

And yet, I also have to say, that there's something compelling about feeling needed. It's been a long time since I've had that. Since our daughter was very young, so nearly 20 years. I never felt totally competent back then and I still feel pretty iffy right now. But everyone knows that. We're all doing the best we can with what we have.

We will have our independence back. At what cost, I don't know. But we will get it and we will give it as best as we can.

My parents' independence will be us passing that baton on to professionals - a helping hand, if you will. Easier said than done.

Then again, independence is never really independent, is it?