I actually kind of love change. I love new starts and new places and new things, but I don't like ending things...at all. I've even been known to skip a goodbye or two. I sometimes let myself think too far ahead about the fact that I may never see someone or someplace again in my life. For me, that's pretty hard to take.
Let's be honest about what we're doing with my parents. We are helping them say goodbye forever to their old life. (Let's also be honest and say that their old life was not safe, but we have to respect the fact that it was THEIR life.)
Because of the circumstances, we didn't really give Mom and Dad much time to say goodbye. Dad had ZERO opportunity to go back to his house. This was intentional. We knew that if he were allowed back in the house, we'd NEVER get him out. Mom had a night or two to pack up her life and bid farewell. I kind of distracted her from thinking too far ahead or looking too far behind for fear that she'd just fall apart. I wouldn't blame her if she did.
Dad has stopped talking about going home. I'm not sure if he's accepted the fact that he lives in Wisconsin or if the dementia has forced him to forget that he can't go back. Either way, I'm taking that as a positive step.
Yesterday we closed a door on Mom and Dad's life. We told my Dad that my sister and her family are moving into his house. He was DELIGHTED.
*Breathe a huge sigh of relief.*
Dad has always wanted sis to have the house. Years ago, he offered to trade homes with her which she, politely, declined. Now, circumstances are such that she and her hubby are kind enough to uproot themselves and become caretakers of Mom and Dad's home. It's such a grand and generous gesture for which I am SO grateful.
I'm not sure if Dad realizes it, but this means that he can't go home. Door closed. Somebody is living there now. It's somebody that he loves, but it's no longer his home. Another item on the list of things taken away.
There's a sappy line in The Sound of Music about "when God closes a door he opens a window." The window we are looking for for my parents is not filled with rainbows and sunshine. It's filled with old people and less privacy and new people dispensing medications. I will make damn sure it's filled with love, care and compassion, but I'm not entirely sure how attractive I can make this seem - mostly because it's also filled with goodbyes. Goodbyes to a former life and to former abilities and independence. I can't ignore that. It will keep me honest and accountable about how serious this job is and the fact that one day, it will be MY doors that are closing.
Sobering thoughts.
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