Snacks and naps at the Shady Half-Acre

I have often compared my new life with Mom and Dad to that of caring for toddlers....large and less mobile toddlers, but I don't think the analogy is too far off.

On a daily basis, one of my primary goals is to provide nutrition, perhaps some activity, rest and more nutrition. Since Dad is a diabetic and Mom's torso is shrinking and caving into her pelvic, (not really a medical condition, but perhaps better food could help) I feel like I should push the fruits and vegetables as much as possible.

Our day is divided as follows: Breakfast, snack, lunch, nap, snack, dinner and dessert.

Yesterday, I was going to be gone during morning snack and lunch and so I prepared them ahead of time. You can see the results above. Snack was red grapes and low-fat string cheese. Lunch was a half a turkey sandwich with low-fat mayo, carrot sticks, pita chips and hummus. I was pretty damn proud of my efforts. So proud that I took a picture. 

I know what you're saying: "Karen, ANYONE could make that lunch." You know what? You're right. But the point is that I made it, on time, and I felt some odd bit of comfort knowing that I got through the day and fed people without killing them.  And to answer your question - yes, I'm celebrating very tiny victories. A lunch well made - BOOYAH.

The other day I was bragging about how I've got some of this down to a science. I get people fed, encourage physical therapy exercise, perhaps get the residents out for a walk, sit outside with them and talk about the good ole days.

HOT DAMN, I SHOULD OPEN AN ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY!

Seriously, I could get funding for that, couldn't I? Perhaps we could bring other old people to Mom and Dad instead of the other way around. Yes, my house would be crawling with caregivers, but at this point, what's a few more bodies? My Dad could sit with other oldsters, make loud inappropriate comments and raid the freezer for ice cream bars when they think we're not watching.

We could hire a cook to make massive meals for the "residents." We'd bring in therapists galore - physical, occupational, music - you need therapy, we've got therapists. Heck, we already have a therapy dog. What's a few more people petting her and feeding her snacks?

And I'd call my Assisted Living facility the Shady Half Acre.  Weak name? Too damn bad. This is MY facility.

We could get a medication cart from which drugs would be dispensed. I'm already doing this several times a day. I've mastered the art of putting the pills in a tiny bowl and then checking said bowl to make sure drugs have been taken. 

Around 3pm, we'd have nap time at the Shady Half Acre. No, they don't have mats upon which they nap. Are you kidding? Have you ever tried to get an 80+ year old on the floor and back up again? Everyone reclines where they are, which is usually on the couch or in a comfy chair. Yes, the sound of snoring is annoying. But snoring residents mean I can get some work done - again, just like when toddlers go down for a nap.

We could have outings. I already know the best handicap-accessible restaurants in the area. I've mastered the art of walking slowly behind old people in case they stumble or fall. (Note: Walking behind an old person is sort of like walking backwards. It's tricky...and not for the impatient.) We could go to the mall and I can point out mundane details and make things up. (What? These people don't have Google. They're not going to fact-check anything I say.)

The best part? Everyone is in bed by 8pm. The Shady Half-Acre is at rest and we can sit back with a glass of wine or two.

I love it when a plan comes together...