All in all it's just another brick in the wall

Today I ran into a brick wall of elder defiance.

Mom had listened to all three of her audiobooks and desperately wanted to get some more from the library. She's been so patient and I should have done this days earlier. I told her that I'd take her and Dad to the library this morning, figuring it would be a good way to get him out of the house. Nope, not happening. Here's how it unfolded:

Me: OK, Dad, we're going to the library. Why don't you get your shoes on?
Dad: I don't want to go. You can take my wife. I'll stay here.
Me: No, Dad. We can't go without you.
Dad: Yes, you can. I'll be fine. I'm not going to fall down or anything.
Me: No, Dad. WE CAN'T. You're unstable on your feet and don't make me tell you the other part of this again.
Dad: What other part?
Me: The part about how you have DEMENTIA.
Dad: I don't have dementia.
Me: YES YOU DO HAVE DEMENTIA. I have the paperwork from your hospital stay, which talks about your dementia and how you failed their tests.
Dad: No, I don't have dementia. You can go. I'll be fine.
Me: *really pissed now* DAD, STOP BEING SELFISH. Mom really wants to go to the library and this is unfair to her. WHY ARE YOU BEING SO SELFISH? It will do you a world of good to get away from the TV and get some exercise.
Dad: I'm not being selfish. I don't need to go. I won't go. I don't want to go.

*I marched off into the basement and asked our daughter to keep an eye on him while we're at the library. This was always an option, but I didn't want him to know. He really needs to get out of that f*&%ing chair. Sorry, but it's true.*

It's funny, but yesterday a social worker came over to assess him for a county program that would offer various services. He was perfectly lucid, sharp as a tack. Today, this is definitely dementia speaking. Mom had the same thought I did: Did I give him his patch yesterday? Yes, I did. She also said that he got up this morning and seemed loaded for bear. Wanted to get dressed (same clothes as yesterday) and wanted to immediately change out of his nightly Depends. I get it. He hates them. Doesn't mean I can leave him alone.

So there you have it. He won that round. But I'm breaking through that brick wall, dammit. No way he wins in the end. Actually, no way any of us wins.

Sigh.