Control freak

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Control fr....
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY "CONTROL FREAK WHO!!"

Yep, that's me. A certifiable control freak of the first degree. At any time, I have a constant need to be in complete control of a situation, especially one that's, um....messy. And let me tell you, elder care is messy.

I don't mean messy, dirty, messy....although there are most certainly elements of that in this experience.

I mean unpredictable messy.

I mean an inability to depend on things happening on MY schedule.

For instance, despite what it says on the time stamp (which I believe is West Coast-based), it is now about 6:04 am. Dad shuffled out of their bedroom at 5:53 am. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID 5:53 AM.

Look, I get up early. It's what I do. Ironically, I get that from my Dad. But here in my house, I OWN the early morning. I revel in it. I get up around 5:07 am, feed the dog and take her out and then quietly, all on my own, sit at the computer, read the paper, drink my coffee...BY MYSELF.

So now Dad is up at dawn for the second day in a row. I don't like this. It's not predictable. I didn't schedule this. DAMMIT, I'M NOT SHARING THE MORNING WITH ANYONE. 

He's harmless, really. Tucked away in the library watching the local NBC morning show followed by FOUR FREAKING HOURS OF THE TODAY SHOW. (Kill me now.) I really don't have to talk to him, but I just don't like that he's not sleeping, especially this early. Sigh.

Here's my real concern: I worry that if he's getting up this early now, who's to say that he won't push the envelope and get up even earlier next week? Earlier than me....to wander around and do, who knows what? Clearly Mom is sleeping through this "dawn patrol." He's here because it's not safe for him and Mom to be alone, but what if us being in the house just isn't good enough...SAFE enough?

Oh great. I think I've just figured out the next thing to be worried about.