It's not like things started out horribly. In the morning, hubby and I drove over to a place that I'll call an "adaptability" store. Basically, they carry all the devices you might need if you were disabled in any way. We wanted to get Dad one of these:
In any case, hubby saw this a week ago and we decided to give it a try. The verdict? Win-win.
Dad has finally gotten the message that his legs are weak because he's not using them enough. I showed him this device. Told him that he can pedal this while he watches NCIS. I put his feet in the pedals and off he went! Seriously, he was doing it for about two hours. I finally told my Mom to take it away so he wouldn't exhaust himself the first day.
At one point, I went in and asked him how it was going. He said: "It's fine, it's not that hard." I responded: "So you're kind of enjoying it?" He quickly said back: "I'm not going to lie to you. I don't like it at all. But I can handle it." OK, then.
Oh and the other great part of the pedal exerciser? There's a counter and a timer, so we can make this something he can track. I'm hoping this will be good.
Shortly after this, I noticed that our daughter was unhappy. In fact, she was downright angry. I'm overly sensitive and couldn't figure out what was going on. I stayed out of her way and left the house to go for a LONG run. (Exercise is totally saving my butt lately.) When I got back, she was still quiet and I asked her why she was so angry. She explained that when I/we left the house, unannounced, like we did when we went to the adaptive store, she felt "on duty" with complete responsibility for my parents. She felt overburdened and underappreciated. Wow. I felt terrible. I apologized profusely and explained that they can be left alone for an hour or two safely, as long as we're within 15 minutes, in case something happens. She cheered up considerably and I felt better that we figured that out. I worry a lot about how this whole situation affects her. I know it will be challenging but I don't want it to be daunting.
But the best moment of the day was late afternoon. Yesterday was the Kentucky Derby. I got all "theme-y" and decided we'd have a celebratory menu. Homemade guacamole and chips (for Cinco de Mayo) - our daughter makes the BEST guac in the world. And for dinner, I found recipes for Kentucky Burgoo and Derby Pie. (Again, daughter stepped up and made the pie which was sinfully delicious. 506 calories per slice!) We turned on the Derby, pre-race and we all sat together and watched for about 45 minutes. It felt nice to do something together.
We sat down for dinner which was DELICIOUS. Burgoo is basically a thick stew made with chicken, beef, pork, potatoes and vegetables. Everyone was surprised it was good because, well, I'm a terrible cook. I was surprised too!
After dinner, with our pie, I started talking to Dad about horses. I've found that he brightens considerably at dinner. He said that he owned two different horses, one of which died. The one that lived, which was brown, was named Slim. He owned it when he was about 15 or 16 and boarded it at stables that were near Devon and Kedzie in Chicago. He said that back then (1945), that was considered the outskirts of the city and he and his friends used to ride horses together. He said Slim cost him about $300 and he boarded him for about $30 a month, including food. (I know nothing about horses, but that seems insanely cheap.) He sold Slim to a police officer and then, two weeks later, Slim got lockjaw which gave Dad a reputation as a "crackerjack horse trader." I asked if he ever took Mom riding and he said no, that she was only 3 years old. I reminded him that Mom is only a year younger than him, but he said that they didn't know each other.
Then we talked about his military service and we had this great exchange:
Me: Dad, why were you in Germany during the Korean War?
Dad: That was shrewd planning on my part. Guys were getting shot in Korea. I had a choice. I chose Germany. Duh.
OMG, he is SO funny sometimes. And he continued on. He talked about his military job repairing helicopters and how all the "top brass" in the army used the helicopters as sort of a high-end limousine service. He remembered a specific General being around wherever he was stationed.
And then he told the story about when he was stationed in San Antonio, TX. He hitchhiked often between San Antonio and San Marcos. A car full of Mexicans picked him up. He was supposed to sit in the back seat and there was already a woman in the back seat in a long white wedding dress. He still climbed in. He went to close the door to the car and he closed it on the wedding dress, thereby creating a big black mark halfway up the skirt of the dress. We were all, including Dad, laughing hysterically at this story. God, it was great to see him smile. His eyes were twinkling and his memories and mind were sharp and clear.
What made me so happy about all of this was not only how great it was to pull him out of his funk and see him being happy, but also that our daughter was sitting, listening to the stories, laughing hysterically. I can tell that she really likes her Grandpa. She knows that he's funny and dark and witty and this just brought it back out again. I felt so incredibly blessed that we were there to see that.
Later, as Mom and I cleared the table and did the dishes, Mom looked at me and said: "Now you know why I married him. He was SO interesting." And in her eyes, I could see bright, brilliant love and devotion, nearly 60 years later. Another blessing.
At the end of the day, I decided that Hubby and I needed to get away after Dad was in bed and walk to the village for a glass of wine (or two.) We've spent very little alone time together, except for running "elderly errands." It's funny but as we sat there, I realized this was just like when our kids were little. We'd finally get away from them and what did we talk about? The kids. Here we were again, listening to some really nice music, drinking good wine and talking about that amazing after-dinner conversation we had with Dad.
I then asked Hubby what was the worst part about all of this for him. He replied: "When you're upset." Wow. I was so humbled. All I could think about was how this affected my life and he sincerely thought me being upset was the worst part for him.
How did I deserve somebody so great?
Greatness is, as greatness does.
ReplyDeleteEnough said. ;-)
-JR